🔗 Share this article

We've been friends for over two decades, who has overcome numerous obstacles, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's repeatedly blindsided by people. Her spouse left her, and it was a massive blow. A lot of her friends disappeared then, because they seemed focused solely on the spouse. This surprised her. She made greater energy in our friendship, probably realised more clearly the essence of true friendship.

Ongoing Issues With Friends Drifting Away

Over the years, quite a few close to her vanished leaving her certain of the reason. Her last employer became hostile, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, she departed not understanding the reason for the change.

Present Situation

Recently, we've both stepped back from work so we're spending frequent meetups, yet I realize my role in our friendship is as the audience. I introduce subjects but she shifts the talk toward things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds firm beliefs. I try to recommend double-checking information and alternate views.

She is organizing a holiday to a nation I have traveled to repeatedly and resided in for a while. My intention was to offer personal experiences, but this was not welcomed. She really only wanted me to confirm her choices. I have come back from 30 days in that country she hopes to catch up, yet I'm reluctant.

Evaluating the Situation

I hesitate to be a friend who abandons suddenly without explanation, however, I feel she will ever understand the effect of her actions on my self-esteem. At this point, I find myself in distancing myself. What's the best step?

Potential Solutions

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is rarely the easy answer we hope for. Yet having a direct talk aiming for resolution demands strength and readiness on both your parts.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step requires explaining what typically happens when you talk. Aim for this to be as factual as possible and basically exactly what occurs. Next involves sharing how this makes you feel. This allows for no dispute here. What you feel are valid, of course. Finally is to question how the two of you will alter the interaction in your relationship."

Consider that she also has a point of view, so you need to remain ready to listen to her. An approach that works is telling your friend:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to listen without interrupting for half an hour."

This can be effective for promoting understanding.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject all you say, as some people cling to a “survival narrative”: they maintain a version about themselves they're unable to abandon because their very survival relies on it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult as there is no clear path here, just dead ends. But she may at first react defensively and then think about what you've said. And even if you don't achieve a resolution, you'll have satisfaction from having been truthful.